I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
