It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
