You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
