The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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