i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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