We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
