im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
