just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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