I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just had sex on a roof
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
