I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
