Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i already hear my dad disowning me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Congratulations! We have a period
im on a boat
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