It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
