that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
