The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize