I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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