You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
