so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
