im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
