I am spending my child support on dildos
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
