Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
