I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You don't make any sense
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