The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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