i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
