remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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