I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
