Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
