I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
