you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
