the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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