I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
