I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
