Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
