after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
