I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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