my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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