C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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