I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
