i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
