Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
