she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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