if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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