i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."