i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.