can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.