All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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