you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My friends, they love my intelligence
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
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2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
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There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it