What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
