My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
