I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize