well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
