i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
