all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
