Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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