Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
