I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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