as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
