his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I've blown a few things in my day
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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