She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
