Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
