How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
