Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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