Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
