You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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