Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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