You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
