Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
