no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
