I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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