she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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