Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize