i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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