Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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