Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
