Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
