We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
