just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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