worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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