"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
