Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
