Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
